Shadows Amongst Light (The Spy Who Loves Me) Read online

  Shadows Amongst Light

  By Mary Eason

  PUBLISHED BY:

  Mary Eason

  Copyright © 2013 by Mary Eason

  This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to the author and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

  Praise for the author

  Mary Eason skillfully crafts a tale that sends the characters on a wild goose chase. Everyone's a suspect. No one can really be trusted. This is the type of book you read during the day or you might jump at every little sound others. Gritty and emotional. A wild ride.

  LAS Romance Reviews

  A fast-pace and deep romantic suspense story sure to grab your attention and make you wish it would go on and on! Extremely good and a recommended read.

  Marilyn Rondeau for www.ck2skwipsandkritiques.com

  CHAPTER ONE

  No one leaves The Organization.

  It doesn’t happen.

  Not once, in all of its illustrious history has anyone simply walked away of their own accord.

  So what made me think I was going to be different? I didn’t have a choice. There was more than just my life involved now. There was the baby. I was pregnant.

  Don’t get me wrong. It isn’t as if we can’t be trusted not to divulge all of the government’s secrets that we are privy to. In fact, it’s not The Organization that’s the problem at all. It’s all the bad guys that are responsible for our existence in the first place. The reason The Organization was established. To protect our country against all enemies, both foreign and in our specific case domestic. You see, we are part of our government’s defense against domestic acts of terrorism. While we are technically assigned to the FBI, we certainly don’t follow their rules of procedure. We were the elite. The cream of the crop. The best of the Bureau has to offer.

  As enemies of every known terrorist faction and militia element working within the United States borders today, we as members of The Organization are always in the precarious position of having our covers blown at any time. Our faces exposed to the enemy. Our lives and our purpose put at risk. All it would take would be one false move. Or one weak link.

  As far as the rest of the Bureau was concerned, we don’t exist. Recruited for our various unique talents, we have all the resources of the Bureau at our disposal. We could deploy agents anywhere within in the US and abroad at a second’s notice if necessary but we never give those orders ourselves. They come from Adam Manning our director at the Bureau, because on paper we don’t exist. We were simply a new form of defense in the war on terrorism.

  So you see, even if it were possible to leave The Organization, I knew I could never really escape my past. There would be no way to leave that behind. Because just like us, the people that we hunt have their own elite soldiers. Trained at seeking and destroying the enemy. Namely us.

  I could run as far away as I wanted, but I would spend the rest of my life looking back over my shoulder wondering at every unnamed sound, every strange bump in the night if this was the moment. Paybacks can be hell on earth. Payback for the type of work we did could be fatal.

  That was what Noah had been trying to make clear to me when he’d offered me the job in the first place. How many times had he told me, “Cameron, don’t rush into this. You have to be willing to commit your life to The Organization. There is no getting out.”

  From the beginning, I guess Noah had somehow known that I couldn’t hack it long term. In the end in spite of what I wanted to believe about myself, I guess he was right.

  I wanted out. Out of The Organization, which I was convinced also meant out of my marriage to Noah.

  “What choice do I really have?” I’d asked myself that question so many times over the past few hours. Sure, I’d known the risks going in just as I knew them now. But I was sick to death of the work we did and I was pregnant with Noah’s child.

  Just another mistake. One that Noah didn’t know about just yet. I was afraid this was going to prove to be my final mistake. Unfortunately, I hadn’t learned from any of my past ones and neither had Noah.

  We’d been attracted to each other right from the beginning. Even though relationships between Bureau members are strictly forbidden. Noah and I both knew this going in and I think that was probably one reason Noah didn’t want me involved right from the start. But that hadn’t stopped me signing on or from loving him.

  We were married a short time later. All very secret. No one knew about our wedding vows. Although most of the team suspected...something, we all honored the, ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy. As long as no one knew for certain about our relationship, we couldn’t be used against each other if it ever came to that.

  This meant however that we were forced to live separate lives for the world around us to see. Finding only a few precious, private moments together where we could simply be just another normal married couple. And with Noah’s increased work assignments abroad, which took him away from me for weeks at a time those moments had become almost nonexistent anymore. I still kept my apartment and he had his house. We lived separately. And I hated the lies. But I’d learn to tolerate the secret life because I loved Noah. I didn’t want to live without him in my life. Still, lately I found myself thinking about things like family and growing old together. Living just a simple, normal married life.

  Unfortunately, the chances of us ever living that fantasy were next to none for dozens of reasons. One of which was that we never knew if our next assignment might turn out to be our last. The likelihood of either of us living to a ripe old age was slim. So I accepted our life together for the moments that we could sneak alone and I was content, or so I thought. Until two things happened that changed that outlook completely.

  The first was discovering that my brother, whom I’d, believed to be dead...wasn’t. I was almost convinced that the man that looked like Judah was my brother even though a part of me hoped I was wrong.

  The second had come earlier today when I discovered that I was pregnant.

  Until these things, I’d pushed all my doubts aside and concentrated on being with Noah for as long as I had left with him. I didn’t believe we were going to be permanent even though I desperately needed permanency. But Noah had loved me enough to marry me, in spite of the fact that it went against everything he believed was the right thing to do.

  It wasn’t until I’d started getting calls from someone who claimed to be my brother, followed shortly by seeing the man that so closely resembled Judah that it had thrown my carefully created illusion of happiness out the window forever and caused me to question my choices in life.

  I loved Noah. I just wanted us to have the typical Norman Rockwell life together. Not the cloak and dagger dangerous existence that had become our world.

  On the few occasions that I’d actually brought this up to Noah I’d gotten the answer I was expecting. This was what we did. This was our life. It was who we were. I should be happy with it and stop wishing for the impossible. That hadn’t stopped me from being restless, doubting all my decisions in life. Wondering how I could continue to be a part of the work we did when what we did now involved my brother.

  No one, not even Noah knew that I was now believed my brother might be alive. As far as Noah and everyone within The Organization and the Bureau knew, Judah had died years ago.

  Of course, I didn’t actually
have any real proof that the man I’d come across by chance was Judah. But something deep inside of me wouldn’t let go of the thought.

  It was very possible that I’d found Judah again. He’d come back to D.C. to find me and tell me something. I owed it to Judah and to my parents to not only find out why he’d returned after all these years, but also to understand what had happened to Judah all those years ago. And where exactly had he been. Twenty-one years is a long time to be missing without explanation. I’d waited a long time to find out the truth. I wasn’t about to let him walk away from me again without those answers.

  Unfortunately knowing the things that I did about the man that I now believed to be Judah, made me all the more certain that the only way I could ever have any relationship with him was to get out of The Organization. Which I was almost certain meant letting go of Noah as well. I wasn’t sure I was ready to take that step just yet until I was positive this was my brother.

  If this was Judah, then somehow he’d become my enemy. A member of one of the most violent terrorist cells operating in the US today. The Red Jihad was an elite, well-organized group. The Bureau and The Organization had been searching for some way to infiltrate the Red Jihad for years now.

  It was rumored that this group was made up of former members of our own military. Such highly trained specialists as Navy Seals, Green Berets, and Army Rangers, although none of this could be confirmed because the Red Jihad was virtually impossible to infiltrate.

  I knew that if I told anyone, including Noah that I suspected the man known to the Bureau as Elijah Jacobs was really my brother, then my own loyalty would be called into question. At the very least, how my connection to this man could be used to benefit The Organization. I couldn’t let either of those things happen.

  The Bureau believed that Elijah Jacobs was responsible for some of the most horrific attacks on American soil in recent years, even though none of this had ever been proven because the guy was good at getting rid of witnesses. Elijah Jacobs was in fact believed to be the actual man in charge of the Red Jihad.

  From the few photos, we’d managed to obtain over the years of the guy it wasn’t possible to make out much about his appearance. But in my heart, I knew the truth. Elijah Jacobs was my brother. Because I believed this, I knew there was no way I could just walk away from the only family I had left in the world. I couldn’t--not even for Noah. I certainly wouldn’t sell him out for The Organization’s benefit.

  Even though I’d see all the evidence that had been collected against the guy known as, Elijah Jacobs but I could not let myself believe all those reports. I didn’t believe my brother could have become this monster and I was determined to prove all those reports wrong. There was no way the boy I remembered could be the cold-blooded killer that he was depicted as being.

  It was then that the thought of leaving The Organization, and living a normal life with my brother, first begin to take shape. Sure, I owed it to myself, to Judah to my baby, and to our parent’s memories to try, but there were other, far more disturbing reasons why I knew I had to get out. I’d started to doubt myself and everyone around me. I suspected everyone. I knew I was on shaky ground here. All those doubts and frustrations were starting to affect my survival instincts. It was time to get out of the business before it was too late. Before it cost me my life and the life of my child.

  After I’d gotten over the initial shock of discovering that I was pregnant, I found I couldn’t bear the thought of exposing my child to the evil that we faced almost daily.

  Real, unimaginable evil. This job could be a frightening rush at times. One that was as addicting as it was destructive. Far better and more potent than any drug.

  For me, it felt like I was losing little pieces of myself with every new assignment I performed for The Organization. It was hard to look at myself in the mirror anymore and not be sickened by what I’d become. Even harder to maintain my faith in human kindness in the face of what I saw each day. The hatred, the destruction. That was the real power of evil. It destroyed you from within. Each day it was getting harder to figure out who were really the good guys anymore. My judgment was clouded, which was probably why I’d decided to walk to The Organization meeting tonight rather than take my car as Noah had been telling me to do for weeks now.

  I was restless and had been for weeks. That was exactly the way I felt this night when I found myself face to face with yet another uncertainty. Someone was following me.

  There was definitely something a little too familiar and about the man that I’d, spotted earlier in a storefront window and then again later when I’d stopped for coffee. I’d seen this creep somewhere before. Only he wasn’t really much of a creep. At least not as far as looks. But I knew that most creeps didn’t always look the part.

  Had I not been lost in thought and pretty much working off sheer exhaustion then I would never have chosen a noisy, crowed nightclub to duck into, knowing that this guy was going to follow me in there. I knew that I needed to either find out why he was following me or lose him. I certainly couldn’t afford to have him follow me to the meeting.

  As I made my way across the crowded dance floor, I spotted the back entrance to the place and headed towards it hoping the suave man following me would continue to do the same. I was in luck. He took the bait.

  Why was someone like him following me in the first place? He didn’t really fit the usual profile for a bad guy. Did he know who I was? That was a distinct possibly considering the information I’d recently uncovered. But if that were true--why me? Why not one of the other team members? More specially Noah.

  I stepped out into the muggy D.C. summer night and slipped close to the edge of the door flattening myself against the shadowed part of the wall, reaching for my weapon from its hiding place beneath my jacket.

  The second he walked out of the club, I had him.

  “Freeze...that’s far enough.” I’d caught him off guard, shocking him into obeying for the moment. I took a second then to access the situation. This guy was well dressed. He would probably be considered quite handsome in a polished sort of way. Definitely not your typical terrorist, so what was he doing out in the field and more importantly, why was he following me?

  I tried to ignore the voice in my head that told me I’d already slipped up by letting him force me into reveal my cover. I was out here in this deserted alley alone without backup. I was vulnerable and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I needed to find out what this person was up to and if in fact he had friends close by.

  He had barely gotten through the door when I’d surprised him. He was only half facing me in the darkness. I dropped my purse and took a step closer, doing a quick but thorough pat down. He was carrying a Glock. Standard weapon of choice for most government agents. Who was this guy?

  I tucked his weapon behind my back in my waistband of my slacks and walked around him so that the only light, a stark exterior bulb would be shining directly into his eyes while I remained in the shadows. I could now make out his features more clearly.

  “Start talking,” I told him, hoping that he wasn’t picking up on all my uncertainty. For the first time that I could remember since joining The Organization, I found myself unnerved by someone.

  Lesson number one when it came to fighting terror, was to never, ever show the enemy any emotion. Certain never let him see you hesitate.

  This had to be some sort of sign or something. It was definitely time to move on. Not only was I a danger to my child, and myself but I was becoming a danger to everyone within the Bureau. I was hesitating. Second-guessing myself. If word were to get out about this as well as how sloppy I’d gotten lately, then I’d have to be dealt with. Oh, not taken out in the literal sense but ‘dealt with’. And the person doing the dealing would be Noah. A hard position for any human to be faced with. .

  I tried to focus on what I was supposed to be doing here. I needed to deal with the problem in front of me not let my mind wander off on yet another tangent. I glanced around t
he alley for a means of escape in case this guy figured out what a phony I was. It hit me then that he was smiling, actually smiling at me. My enemy was finding my slightly unorganized way of handling things somewhat funny.

  I just caught the sound of his laughter over the noise of the club. It was just a little too confidant in a strange attractive kind of way. I found myself committing yet another no-no. Never, ever see your enemy as a human.

  “What would you like me to talk about?” he asked in a slightly accented voice that was equally as alluring as his laughter.

  “Cut the comic routine. Who are you and why are you following me?” I told him trying not to react to all that charm that he literally oozed. I did find myself wondering how someone like him had come to be what my second sense was telling me he was. The enemy.

  “What makes you think I was following you? I could be just another guy out for a good time or maybe I just wanted to meet you? After all, you are a very attractive woman.”

  “Uh huh. Sorry, but I’m not buying it. So let’s try again shall we? Who are you and why are you following me?” I asked again while I took in all the details of his tall, slightly yuppie good looks.

  He definitely did not fit the part of bad guy. If I were to have met him on the street under different circumstances, I would have figured that he was just your normal well-to-do success story.

  From the cut of his gray suit right down to the four hundred dollar pair of shoes, he exuded success. There was no way anyone would ever mistake him for evil. But then, that was probably the whole purpose behind his polished cover. You’d never know what hit you until it was too late.

  It was in this uncertain state of mind that he caught me off guard and took a step closer to me. And I tried not to show him how much that unnerved me. I was the one in charge here. The one with the gun. I wasn’t supposed to show fear. Another one of those tried and trues.

  “That’s far enough. Don’t come any closer,” I told him in what I’d hoped was a confident voice, but it was clear he wasn’t afraid of me. He simply picked up my purse and handed it back to me, smiling as he walked past me. He knew he had me, so why didn’t he finish the job that he had come here tonight to do? Why not eliminate the problem while she was making it easy for you?